I am not really lazy. I know some may disagree with that (pfft lol) but I really am not. I am not saying I do not have my lazy days ~ we all do. But my real problem is not being lazy.
My real problem is focus. I have two big issues. I am so easily distracted. I can make the best plans, have everything layed out and be more then willing to put in the effort and be ready to do it. But then it's like "ooo something shiny" and I am distracted and before I know it 4 hours have gone by.
The other issue which goes along with focus still is that I can be easily overwhelmed. I plan too big without enough wiggle room. I set my sights on the mountain instead of the hill. Sometimes it is ok to go for the mountain but you have to be ready for that part. You can't skip steps 1-9.I turn into this unfocused mess where my mind just bounces around until it all is just spinning. I panic and curl into alittle ball.
This isn't news to me. I can define my issues very well. The problem lies in solving them. I have learned time and time again that if I want to get things done I MUST have a definite plan- if it is too lax I will be too distracted or not knowing what to do. I must also not plan to do everything at once. It is like I pick a day and say today I will do every single thing perfect! umm no that just isn't possible. It is ok to keep the mountain as a goal but you need to take the baby steps to get there. Each hill in your way you have to cross first. I don't get to have some super human leap a mountain thing.
On the flip side I have come to realize that my husband is lazy. It is probably a huge issue that leads us to many fights. He has very little motivation and just doesn't want to put in any effort. I know I have ranted before about cleaning issues. It really bugs me to no end. I can not stand messes and clutter. My mood is just too sensitive and if my house is a mess it just like drags me right down with it. And once things are trashed that whole overwhelming thing takes over and I can't get it done. I know that makes zero sense to some. But it is like the dishes. I can wash a sink full of dishes but if I let them pile up I panic- I don't see it as just dirty dishes it is like a huge mountain of dishes that there is no way in the world I can get through it all. I know that sounds silly. And I have been working through that little issue & getting way better. I keep my house very clean now.
But it is like DH will have a trash can right next to his desk and I look over and his desk is covered in trash. How does that make any sense? I ask him to please put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket. We have a hamper in the bathroom and one in the bedroom. And yet instead of putting them in either he leaves them on the floor. There is a pile of dirty clothes of his on my bedroom floor 2 feet from the empty basket.... seriously! And he leaves dishes in the bedroom all the time. I will do dishes then notice I missed all the silverware covering his desk. And like the other day he was like we need to buy more bowls because all the ones we had right then were dirty or in the fridge with leftovers. We have 6 bowls more then enough for 2 ppl. I was like hell no. If you want to use a bowl wash it. I am the one who does the dishes and I am not washing a huge pile of dishes because you do not want to wash one that happens to be dirty. bleh
I kindof blame his parents for this. I mean yeah he is an adult but I think cleaning is one thing that you gotta start kids young with to develop those habits. I somewhat did. My mom just was very lax, if it is dirty clean it up doesn't need to be a whole issue lol but she didn't wait on us. If a dish was dirty we would have washed it. If we were hungry we would have cooked something. His mom did too much for him. She wouldn't just do his laundry but fold it and put it away too. I am not saying anything bad towards them- I love his family, But I wish they would have kicked his ass a bit more lol :)
And it is just not with cleaning. I pay all the bills. Because when he was in charge of it things would not get payed on time. If distracted crazy me can keep track and pay them all on time then you know he has to have some serious problems lol. Anything that needs to be done he will procrastinate it and have no effort or will to even care to get it done.
It is just the entire opposite of me. My virgoness is straight on for that. They say virgos are perfectionists.
This wasnt all supposed to be a rant on the DH lol. I just am annoyed and needed to release some steam there. I am going to start everything back up this next week. Starting Friday. Eating better, exercising and with the daily rituals. I am going to go slow. Starting off with a few days a week. and I just have to do the rituals. I am also going to plan a meal once a week so I will be cooking again- yay me :)
I just wanna keep waiting until things are perfect. and i have to remind myself things wont ever be. Yeah my mood sucks and I wanna bury all my stress into junk food and doing nothing but whining but that is not going to help and it won't make me feel better. Its always difficult with food. I go shopping on DHs days off. And we fight and then I go shopping and my plans go out the window and I buy crap because it feels like a safety blanket. but I eat it and feel like crap and it starts this same nasty cycle. I have been eating so so badly. I cupcakes(i did eat them without frosting-do I get points for that?) and brownies and icecream and so much pasta. I have had headaches and been dizzy & the black mold is back in the toilet like extra crazy lots of it- which happens when diabetics don't take care of themselves and they pee an extra lot and all that extra sugar comes out and the mold grows. For real how nasty is that? I just feel like somedays I am trying to kill myself a really horrible slow death.
But I will do better. I have to.
My real problem is focus. I have two big issues. I am so easily distracted. I can make the best plans, have everything layed out and be more then willing to put in the effort and be ready to do it. But then it's like "ooo something shiny" and I am distracted and before I know it 4 hours have gone by.
The other issue which goes along with focus still is that I can be easily overwhelmed. I plan too big without enough wiggle room. I set my sights on the mountain instead of the hill. Sometimes it is ok to go for the mountain but you have to be ready for that part. You can't skip steps 1-9.I turn into this unfocused mess where my mind just bounces around until it all is just spinning. I panic and curl into alittle ball.
This isn't news to me. I can define my issues very well. The problem lies in solving them. I have learned time and time again that if I want to get things done I MUST have a definite plan- if it is too lax I will be too distracted or not knowing what to do. I must also not plan to do everything at once. It is like I pick a day and say today I will do every single thing perfect! umm no that just isn't possible. It is ok to keep the mountain as a goal but you need to take the baby steps to get there. Each hill in your way you have to cross first. I don't get to have some super human leap a mountain thing.
On the flip side I have come to realize that my husband is lazy. It is probably a huge issue that leads us to many fights. He has very little motivation and just doesn't want to put in any effort. I know I have ranted before about cleaning issues. It really bugs me to no end. I can not stand messes and clutter. My mood is just too sensitive and if my house is a mess it just like drags me right down with it. And once things are trashed that whole overwhelming thing takes over and I can't get it done. I know that makes zero sense to some. But it is like the dishes. I can wash a sink full of dishes but if I let them pile up I panic- I don't see it as just dirty dishes it is like a huge mountain of dishes that there is no way in the world I can get through it all. I know that sounds silly. And I have been working through that little issue & getting way better. I keep my house very clean now.
But it is like DH will have a trash can right next to his desk and I look over and his desk is covered in trash. How does that make any sense? I ask him to please put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket. We have a hamper in the bathroom and one in the bedroom. And yet instead of putting them in either he leaves them on the floor. There is a pile of dirty clothes of his on my bedroom floor 2 feet from the empty basket.... seriously! And he leaves dishes in the bedroom all the time. I will do dishes then notice I missed all the silverware covering his desk. And like the other day he was like we need to buy more bowls because all the ones we had right then were dirty or in the fridge with leftovers. We have 6 bowls more then enough for 2 ppl. I was like hell no. If you want to use a bowl wash it. I am the one who does the dishes and I am not washing a huge pile of dishes because you do not want to wash one that happens to be dirty. bleh
I kindof blame his parents for this. I mean yeah he is an adult but I think cleaning is one thing that you gotta start kids young with to develop those habits. I somewhat did. My mom just was very lax, if it is dirty clean it up doesn't need to be a whole issue lol but she didn't wait on us. If a dish was dirty we would have washed it. If we were hungry we would have cooked something. His mom did too much for him. She wouldn't just do his laundry but fold it and put it away too. I am not saying anything bad towards them- I love his family, But I wish they would have kicked his ass a bit more lol :)
And it is just not with cleaning. I pay all the bills. Because when he was in charge of it things would not get payed on time. If distracted crazy me can keep track and pay them all on time then you know he has to have some serious problems lol. Anything that needs to be done he will procrastinate it and have no effort or will to even care to get it done.
It is just the entire opposite of me. My virgoness is straight on for that. They say virgos are perfectionists.
This wasnt all supposed to be a rant on the DH lol. I just am annoyed and needed to release some steam there. I am going to start everything back up this next week. Starting Friday. Eating better, exercising and with the daily rituals. I am going to go slow. Starting off with a few days a week. and I just have to do the rituals. I am also going to plan a meal once a week so I will be cooking again- yay me :)
I just wanna keep waiting until things are perfect. and i have to remind myself things wont ever be. Yeah my mood sucks and I wanna bury all my stress into junk food and doing nothing but whining but that is not going to help and it won't make me feel better. Its always difficult with food. I go shopping on DHs days off. And we fight and then I go shopping and my plans go out the window and I buy crap because it feels like a safety blanket. but I eat it and feel like crap and it starts this same nasty cycle. I have been eating so so badly. I cupcakes(i did eat them without frosting-do I get points for that?) and brownies and icecream and so much pasta. I have had headaches and been dizzy & the black mold is back in the toilet like extra crazy lots of it- which happens when diabetics don't take care of themselves and they pee an extra lot and all that extra sugar comes out and the mold grows. For real how nasty is that? I just feel like somedays I am trying to kill myself a really horrible slow death.
But I will do better. I have to.
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