To say I am depressed is an understatement. I feel like I am having a complete and total breakdown. Throughout the day (everyday) I find myself curled up on the floor crying. That ofcourse is not good, healthy or normal.
I feel like I am about to run out of tears, I have just cried so much lately.
Yesterday I was getting ready to go visit my inlaws and I get out of the shower, walk into the bedroom and right away I just sink down against the wall and bawl my eyes out. My husband comes in after me and is like omg whats wrong? everything. Just alittle bit of everything.
There is just so so much stuff in my head & so much pain in my heart. Much of which I don't think I can even find words for.
To begin with it was my birthday. I am 29. Which to some seems still very young but I feel entirely too old now. Just that much closer to the end. I guess I am seeing this as a glass half empty kindof thing. So much time has been lost, wasted. I try to explain this to my husband and he just gets upset. yes I know I have him and a nice apartment and cute kitties and lots of good things. I just want...MORE. I want babies more then anything. I want a little house and a dog and a job and a life. Instead I sit alone in my apartment most days accomplishing NOTHING. Time slipping away and I am just letting it.
Things HAVE to change. I have to change. Do I have the courage and strength to do it? Yes. Somewhere deep inside of me hidden, I know I have it. I just need to reach down in there and bring it to the surface. Instead of filling my day/world with all this negative stuff I need to shower it in motivation and positive thinking. I read comments & forum posts where people are succeeding and even back when I was doing it really good I saw that it is all about motivation and keeping yourself positive. That confidence can just push you forward and keep you on track.
I just need to find that and channel all that energy.
I got a food scale for my birthday & a fitness ball! So I am excited about that. I have been wanting them forever.
I think the biggest thing right now is to keep myself focused. I need to lay out my goals and keep them right in front of me & focused on that.
Setting a bed time and going to bed early and on time so that I can get a well rested night and get up early.
Counting calories for all my meals and eating healthy.
And starting to work out again.
I can do this.
I feel like I am about to run out of tears, I have just cried so much lately.
This is the story of a girl, Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
Yesterday I was getting ready to go visit my inlaws and I get out of the shower, walk into the bedroom and right away I just sink down against the wall and bawl my eyes out. My husband comes in after me and is like omg whats wrong? everything. Just alittle bit of everything.
There is just so so much stuff in my head & so much pain in my heart. Much of which I don't think I can even find words for.
To begin with it was my birthday. I am 29. Which to some seems still very young but I feel entirely too old now. Just that much closer to the end. I guess I am seeing this as a glass half empty kindof thing. So much time has been lost, wasted. I try to explain this to my husband and he just gets upset. yes I know I have him and a nice apartment and cute kitties and lots of good things. I just want...MORE. I want babies more then anything. I want a little house and a dog and a job and a life. Instead I sit alone in my apartment most days accomplishing NOTHING. Time slipping away and I am just letting it.
Things HAVE to change. I have to change. Do I have the courage and strength to do it? Yes. Somewhere deep inside of me hidden, I know I have it. I just need to reach down in there and bring it to the surface. Instead of filling my day/world with all this negative stuff I need to shower it in motivation and positive thinking. I read comments & forum posts where people are succeeding and even back when I was doing it really good I saw that it is all about motivation and keeping yourself positive. That confidence can just push you forward and keep you on track.
I just need to find that and channel all that energy.
I got a food scale for my birthday & a fitness ball! So I am excited about that. I have been wanting them forever.
I think the biggest thing right now is to keep myself focused. I need to lay out my goals and keep them right in front of me & focused on that.
Setting a bed time and going to bed early and on time so that I can get a well rested night and get up early.
Counting calories for all my meals and eating healthy.
And starting to work out again.
I can do this.
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