Yay me! I went out for my walk today. Yesterday I might have hit a bump and let myself fall but today I picked myself up, dusted myself off and got back out there!
I fished out my scarf and I think it helped quite a bit. It was still cold but I said just push through it. I realized that yesterday I just panicked. I have a panic disorder I should totally be used to this by now lol. I get nervous, scared, anxious, frustrated, etc... and I panic. I give up and run away because I just feel that overwhelming feelings and don't know how to deal with them. That is exactly what really happened yesterday. It was really really cold and I wasn't expecting that shock and it opened me up to negativity. It whispered that I couldn't do this over and over and then released the flood gates of winter and how I would walk in snow and ice and I panicked and turned around.
I am understanding it alot better I think. It is incredibly difficult to deal with it in that moment of panic, but if I set myself up with a strong bubble of perspective and energy I can push through it before it takes hold. idk if that makes sense lol But basically like today, I knew it was going to be cold, and so before I even left the house I prepared myself and was like look you can do this, it is just alittle cold and you can push through it. So when I got out there and began to feel like all the negativity come up I was able to shoot it down right away.
I think that this is a VERY IMPORTANT step to not only understanding my panic attacks better but also helping to heal and stop them.
I honestly want to cry because I feel just so damn proud of myself. It might seem really silly but my panic attacks feels like they cripple me or a ball and chain keeping me tied down and held back. Doing an everyday task that millions of people do and think nothing of can stop me in my tracks as if I were facing my very worst fear.
So yay me. The walk wasn't that bad either. When I first started walking the wind was still coming right at me and I struggled to have a nice pace. I think the scarf really helped there. But on the street the park is on the wind was at my side and that made things way way easier and it wasn't bad at all. It was way darker then normal out, the sun was hiding lol. At the park the walking trail is slightly dipped down that helped with the wind and just the wind was what was really cold. And on the way home the wind was at my back.
But another yay- I upped my walking .25 miles. So I walked almost exactly 3 miles now a smidge of .0000 something more then 3 lol I figure next week I might up it .25 more or the next week depending.
** Diet wise I am still not finding my pace I guess. And it kindof has my stomach in knots, I think because half the time I am eating great and healthy and then I go off plan or binge a bit and it is giving my body whiplash lol
I really need to gather my focus there. I know it is all about babysteps to progress but this is not taking small steps it is more like only having one foot in. i don't have to be perfect, I don't only have to eat lettuce and pretend to be a bunny. But I MUST have the commitment and focus completely and truly if I want to succeed.
If you are not sticking to the path it is so easy to lose sight of it. So many times before when i would attempt to try again and fail because my heart wasn't in it.
**Today was also my weigh in and I gained 1.2lbs. I wasn't surprised because last week was very off for me. I am not even sad about it. And even if the scale isn't showing any progress I feel like my body is. I am beginning to feel the hint of a collarbone again. last time I lost weight like the first place I began to show was my collarbone and then shoulders. I loved it. I just kept running my hands over my bone lol.
Anyways I feel great right now. I am riding a wave of confidence and pride which I hope to keep with me all day <3 a="a" also="also" amp="amp" an="an" and="and" candles="candles" cleaning="cleaning" do="do" for="for" have="have" i="i" in="in" is="is" make="make" moving="moving" of="of" order.="order." our="our" p="p" roommate="roommate" such="such" to="to" tomorrow="tomorrow" ton="ton">
I fished out my scarf and I think it helped quite a bit. It was still cold but I said just push through it. I realized that yesterday I just panicked. I have a panic disorder I should totally be used to this by now lol. I get nervous, scared, anxious, frustrated, etc... and I panic. I give up and run away because I just feel that overwhelming feelings and don't know how to deal with them. That is exactly what really happened yesterday. It was really really cold and I wasn't expecting that shock and it opened me up to negativity. It whispered that I couldn't do this over and over and then released the flood gates of winter and how I would walk in snow and ice and I panicked and turned around.
I am understanding it alot better I think. It is incredibly difficult to deal with it in that moment of panic, but if I set myself up with a strong bubble of perspective and energy I can push through it before it takes hold. idk if that makes sense lol But basically like today, I knew it was going to be cold, and so before I even left the house I prepared myself and was like look you can do this, it is just alittle cold and you can push through it. So when I got out there and began to feel like all the negativity come up I was able to shoot it down right away.
I think that this is a VERY IMPORTANT step to not only understanding my panic attacks better but also helping to heal and stop them.
I honestly want to cry because I feel just so damn proud of myself. It might seem really silly but my panic attacks feels like they cripple me or a ball and chain keeping me tied down and held back. Doing an everyday task that millions of people do and think nothing of can stop me in my tracks as if I were facing my very worst fear.
So yay me. The walk wasn't that bad either. When I first started walking the wind was still coming right at me and I struggled to have a nice pace. I think the scarf really helped there. But on the street the park is on the wind was at my side and that made things way way easier and it wasn't bad at all. It was way darker then normal out, the sun was hiding lol. At the park the walking trail is slightly dipped down that helped with the wind and just the wind was what was really cold. And on the way home the wind was at my back.
But another yay- I upped my walking .25 miles. So I walked almost exactly 3 miles now a smidge of .0000 something more then 3 lol I figure next week I might up it .25 more or the next week depending.
** Diet wise I am still not finding my pace I guess. And it kindof has my stomach in knots, I think because half the time I am eating great and healthy and then I go off plan or binge a bit and it is giving my body whiplash lol
I really need to gather my focus there. I know it is all about babysteps to progress but this is not taking small steps it is more like only having one foot in. i don't have to be perfect, I don't only have to eat lettuce and pretend to be a bunny. But I MUST have the commitment and focus completely and truly if I want to succeed.
If you are not sticking to the path it is so easy to lose sight of it. So many times before when i would attempt to try again and fail because my heart wasn't in it.
**Today was also my weigh in and I gained 1.2lbs. I wasn't surprised because last week was very off for me. I am not even sad about it. And even if the scale isn't showing any progress I feel like my body is. I am beginning to feel the hint of a collarbone again. last time I lost weight like the first place I began to show was my collarbone and then shoulders. I loved it. I just kept running my hands over my bone lol.
Anyways I feel great right now. I am riding a wave of confidence and pride which I hope to keep with me all day <3 a="a" also="also" amp="amp" an="an" and="and" candles="candles" cleaning="cleaning" do="do" for="for" have="have" i="i" in="in" is="is" make="make" moving="moving" of="of" order.="order." our="our" p="p" roommate="roommate" such="such" to="to" tomorrow="tomorrow" ton="ton">
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