Day # 7 Happy *Almost Turkey Day

I feel like crap. I am not completely sure why. Maybe I am getting sick, the subway I ate last night is messing with me or stress. Either way my stomach is doing cart wheels and refuses to behave. I felt just alittle off this morning when I first woke up but then in the middle of my walk my stomach just flip flopped. I felt so nauseated, it was awful.

I still finished my walk but it took me longer then normal. 32-ish mins on the track for a mile because I kept stopping and/or walking really slow. But I am proud that I didn't stop. And no worries I wasn't being nutty and pushing myself too much. while I did feel yucky I didn't feel like I was going to keel over or anything, I was ok to keep walking I think.

I thought maybe once I got home and ate it would help settle my stomach but not so much. Though I didn't eat super great either. I usually have oatmeal- I make a big pan and then eat the leftovers and ran out yesterday. I didn't want to make more since I am leaving today for Thanksgiving. So this morning I first grabbed a banana then had some cottage cheese because I was craving it. I usually don't like to eat any type of dairy when my stomach is upset, for some reason it just feels weird to me lol. Then I thought duh toast would help so I had some toast.


Anyways... I opened my candle shop officially. Yay me. If anyone is interested it is:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/MoonFireWicks
http://www.moonfirewicks.com/
I only put up some tarts, melts and tealights. Hoping to get my candles up by the end of the week.


I have alot to do today. I need to go make some very healthy yummy brownies to take for thanksgiving and then we are driving to my inlaws this afternoon. So I really should get busy lol. I am just hoping my stomach calms down *prays*

Huge WOW moment

I haven't weighed in for quite a while (october) and ofcourse I was afraid of that mean scale lol but I actually am down a whole pound so yay!

The funny thing is though that as I went around and updated my new weight on the sites I am on and my tickers, I noticed something just far too lovely. 22 lbs lost 44 more to go. (technically it is 21.2 & 44.8 but the one site doesn't count the half pounds it rounds up lol)

It hit me like a brick. Full stop. Big WOW moment. I have lost 1/3. If I do this two more times that is it= GOAL!

I have lost 20lbs. I did that and no one can ever take that from me. It took some time and effort. It felt like I was going through hell some days. I tripped and fell and got back up to trip some more. But I did it. And not once but twice! Because I lost 20lbs then gained it back then lost it again. Even if right this second I gained it all back. I still lost it before- I did that. I had have that strength, courage, willpower and focus to do it. So much self doubt & fear and there it is proof that can stand up against anything that I am stronger then I think I am.

I can find a million reasons to tell myself how this is impossible and how I can not do it. But umm HELLO I can do it. I did do it. I just want to frame that on my wall in huge letters- 22 lbs lost 44 more to go & every single moment I want to give up just look at it and be like nope girl you can do it.


It is funny how such little things can be the biggest most meaninful wow moments.


I want to shout it from rooftops. I am so happy I can not stop smiling.

Life is good. I am horribly sick but I actually still feel good. I am still reading the spark book. Fitting in bits of reading here and there. I love it. I really can not recommend it enough. It is giving me such wonderful inspiration. 

One of the things I am reading right now is how it is the little things and that small accomplishments add up. It is like you want to take on the whole mountain and if you don't you are a failure when really every single hill you cross gets you closer and you still did and it is meaningful and something. Far better then sitting and doing nothing.

Oh look a collar bone!

This is gonna be a positive post for once. I swear people who read my blog often might think I am bipolar with my mood swings lol

I am actually just in a great mood today. Sun is shining, birds are singing kindof day :) So I thought I would channel that energy and focus my thoughts and blog some.

It is funny how things can go just awful and yet somehow lead things to be better. I am just getting over a very nasty stomach flu and while it was truly horrid it also has managed to reach out and catch me just as i was losing my way and brought me right back to my path with new insight and opened eyes I guess.

For starters not being able to keep anything down left me with a hefty weight loss this week. Which I do not consider a good thing or actually "counting" because I would rather lose it the right way and if I had any choice in the matter I would would never go through that in the first place even if it meant losing all the weight in the world lol!!!

But on the flip side the loss took me to my goal of losing my first 20lbs. Now I am actually not counting it because I KNOW I will gain some of this weight back next week so it does not feel right to celebrate just yet. but seeing it right there in front of my face just feels amazing. It was like a little reminder of hello you can do this!


Secondly small changes are popping up that have me so excited in a way only my fellow weight loss sisters can possible understand....

I CAN FEEL MY COLLAR BONE!!!!

I remember the first time I was losing weight and I lost 20lbs all the amazing changes my body went through. I lose weight first in my collar and shoulders and apparently I am sticking to that pattern again lol. It was funny because last time if you had looked at me in that area you would have thought I was tiny skinny but the rest of me was still big lol.

Now I haven't lost enough yet for it to all pop out but I can feel it there! I can't keep my hands off myself now! (not in a pervy way lol) I just keep running my hands over my collar & shoulders over and over because its so new!!!

It is really an amazing feeling! and then there is also the fact that my legs have gotten smaller and I can slip on/off my winter boots without zipping/unzipping them. And my jeans without unbuttoning them- actually my jeans barely stay up now lol.

My stomach is weirding out though into this misshapen mess. But idk if that is the weight loss or being sick and not eating did it or a mixture? We will see if it fixes out? And I am not really sure how to describe a misshapen belly lol. I tried to tell my husband and he gave me the strangest look and was like what do you mean misshapen? lol

if you don't know me, well I gain like all my weight in my stomach. So I have a big stomach :( Well right now the sides are like sunken in some which idk if it looks any different or not but it feels totally different (more of me running my hands all over the new stuff lol)




So anyways along with all of those changes I have also gained some perspective I guess. Things don't need to be so complicated. I think I need a giant poster saying that because truly it might be my biggest issue. It doesn't need to be all or nothing. Every little oops is not the end of the world. I don't need to rack my brain with self doubt on every tiny step I make wondering if I am doing it right or wrong.

I saw on the forums I visit someone posted a link to meal plans- 
http://diabeticgourmet.com/Food_and_Dining/Meal_Planning/ Scroll down to the left hand side. It shows full menus. It gives me some good ideas. I think I am going to just keep things simple for a while like that.

Anyways I still feel a bit sick. My appetite is not fully back yet and my body is still sore and weak and yucky lol. Hopefully I feel all back to normal by friday which is when me and the DH are celebrating our valentines day.

Being sick sucks

This will be a little bit tmi...

So I am just getting over a very nasty stomach flu. I think the worst I remember ever having. But it always seems like the worst doesnt it? lol My husband came home sick from work wednesday throwing up a few times then he had diarrhea. That night he was feeling much better. The next day he was fine.

I ofcourse have it 1000 times worse....

Wed night I started feeling yucky. A bit extra tired and sick feeling. thurs, alittle bit worse. Then late late thurs night it hit me full force. and at about 2am onwards I just kept throwing up. Every 15-20 mins nonstop. I didn't even know it was possible because there was absolutely nothing left in me. I was drinking water just so I had something to throw up (and because I needed to stay hydrated lol) It lasted 12 hours straight and I had it coming out everywhich way.

It was so god aweful :( and to make matters worse I was home all alone because my husband was out of town. He left thurs and didn't come home till sunday morning.

I finally was able to keep down water so I ate some jello. It was funny it took me like an hour to finish one little jello cup. I tried to eat some toast and got one slice down after awhile.

So yeah I have like barely ate in two days. Mostly the thought of food just has me queasy. Why oh why do they show so many food commercials on tv? Everytime one came on I wanted to throw up lol.


Anyways....

So ofcourse barely eating and being dead empty right now shows a big loss on the scale. 5.2lbs. That puts me at a over 20lbs total loss. I don't think it really counts though lol

I am fairly sure I will gain from that next week, since I will actually be eating and keeping it down lol. So it kindof has me all blah.

But I asked around and everyone thinks I should still record it and make a note that I was actually sick though and then just not let it get to me. I just have to remember if/when I gain next week it is not because I did anything wrong (unless I bounce back into a gallon of icecream or something lol).