Huge WOW moment

I haven't weighed in for quite a while (october) and ofcourse I was afraid of that mean scale lol but I actually am down a whole pound so yay!

The funny thing is though that as I went around and updated my new weight on the sites I am on and my tickers, I noticed something just far too lovely. 22 lbs lost 44 more to go. (technically it is 21.2 & 44.8 but the one site doesn't count the half pounds it rounds up lol)

It hit me like a brick. Full stop. Big WOW moment. I have lost 1/3. If I do this two more times that is it= GOAL!

I have lost 20lbs. I did that and no one can ever take that from me. It took some time and effort. It felt like I was going through hell some days. I tripped and fell and got back up to trip some more. But I did it. And not once but twice! Because I lost 20lbs then gained it back then lost it again. Even if right this second I gained it all back. I still lost it before- I did that. I had have that strength, courage, willpower and focus to do it. So much self doubt & fear and there it is proof that can stand up against anything that I am stronger then I think I am.

I can find a million reasons to tell myself how this is impossible and how I can not do it. But umm HELLO I can do it. I did do it. I just want to frame that on my wall in huge letters- 22 lbs lost 44 more to go & every single moment I want to give up just look at it and be like nope girl you can do it.


It is funny how such little things can be the biggest most meaninful wow moments.


I want to shout it from rooftops. I am so happy I can not stop smiling.

Life is good. I am horribly sick but I actually still feel good. I am still reading the spark book. Fitting in bits of reading here and there. I love it. I really can not recommend it enough. It is giving me such wonderful inspiration. 

One of the things I am reading right now is how it is the little things and that small accomplishments add up. It is like you want to take on the whole mountain and if you don't you are a failure when really every single hill you cross gets you closer and you still did and it is meaningful and something. Far better then sitting and doing nothing.

The scale does not rule my journey

So Friday I was flipping out & worrying that the scale kept going up up up- it showed me at like 213.8 or something crazy like that. I was depressed and discouraged but I channeled that energy into something positive to try harder and be truly focused.

But today was my true weigh in day. I stepped up onto the scale still a bit upset and feeling like the scale was my worst enemy. And what happens? I am down. I lost weight! 211.6 lbs. The exact weight I was at the week before, last week I had gained .4lbs and this week I lost it again. Weirdness all around. But I lost so yay!

But that once again leaves me at .4 little bitty lbs away from having lost 20 lbs total so far. That is just pure motivation. I think what is really pushing me is that I have done this before. Last time I was doing really good and got to ONEderland and was 190-something. I felt amazing and looked good. I was no where near goal and still overweight but I looked and felt so much better & so much more confident. When I could feel my collar bone and the beginning to feel my ribs. I couldn't keep my hands off myself- which sounds very weird lol- but I would just run my hands all over the bones like omg this is new yay! I can just barely feel the hint of my collar bone now but it is there waiting to poke out.

I think it really helps me to stay focused. I am really close to where I was before and I can do this and I want it so badly.

On that note and along with alot of comments on my last blog- NSV (non scale victory). I have to remember that the scale is not the be all. Our bodies are complex moody things. Who taunt us with jumping up in weight then two days later jump back down farther. I don't understand it- water, sodium, muscles, weird cosmic energy waves- who knows?

I read the forums and I read blogs and it seems like a recurring issue for so many of us. Being ruled by the scale. So easy to throw everything else out the window if the scale stays something ugly. It is silly and we all know better but that number just taunts us.

I would love to say that it won't own my butt anymore but probably next week I will be right here crying over it again. lol

BUT... I won't let it be everything. I will remind myself of every little NSV. Because it is all of those little tiny things that add up and make it what it is.

I am only on my third week in and yet I feel amazing. I have energy and this light, I just feel like I shine. I am taking better care of myself and my cats and birds and my apartment. I am happier. Bad things happen and usually it would have left me crippled and now I am finding it so much easier to shake it off and recover. Before I would lay in bed every morning and not want to get up. I had nothing to care about. Now I am getting up at 6am excited to get outside in the beautiful morning and walk. That in itself is amazing.

I won't always be perfect. I will stumble, trip and fall on my face somedays. But I will also smile and laugh and feel amazing.

One yet another note- must watch my sodium because it can so easily go overboard and drink more water!

Oh and I am also very excited about some more cooking experience I am having. I super suck in the kitchen but slowly am working on improving. I found a great website- http://www.skinnytaste.com/ and I made for my husband last night potato soup. Real soup homemade from scratch. I mean never in my life could I imagine doing that before lol. It was completely easy and really no fuss at all but still it is just huge for me. I am very proud of myself. It was also healthy and really good. I made it just for him because it does not sound like something I would like at all- I am very picky. But I tasted it and it was delicious! So creamy and smooth- perfect comfort food. And had a ton of cauliflower in it but you couldn't even taste it. Crazy. Tonight I am going to make two recipes from that site. A Skinny Chicken Parmesan & Baked Zucchini Sticks. Yum! Zucchini is my favorite veggie so I can't wait. Very excited to see how well I can do it lol

How am I gaining???

Ok it isn't Sunday yet (my official weigh in day) but I just hop on the scale and checked first thing this morning anyways. It shows another gain! @#*! Last week I gained too. How is this possible??? I don't get it and I am more then alittle annoyed and upset/depressed.

Ok I wasn't expecting big number drops. I have NOT been eating super well- but I have been recording everything I eat(except I missed Sunday & can't remember what I had) and I haven't been going over at all. Two days this week I went lower then I should have...

But my point is that if before I was eating a ton of horribly bad things and now I am eating much better and gaining??? It just doesn't make sense to me. I should stay the same or go down. Right??

On top of that I am working out now. Before nada. I was sitting on my butt all day long. Now I am working out & that should count for something. I walked 3 times this week and did my Wiifit as well.
My DH says maybe I am gaining muscle and thats why the gain. But I don't think that works quite like that. I wasn't working out super heavy. As I said I didn't expect a huge loss here from it but I shouldn't be gaining.



This just feels like crap. It makes me want to throw my hands up and say I give up. What is the point? It is too hard. I can't do it.

But I won't. To be honest it kills me and has me so upset obviously. But I won't let it throw me off. I will just see what is going on and change it. I can't half ass this. It has to be with real effort and focus. I have to throw my entire being into it and I haven't been.

1. I need to get my sleep schedule undercontrol for good. I woke up at noon today. I slept for like 11 hours! How is that possible? IDK. I feel bad setting an alarm clock on DH's days off. But such is life. My body is all out of whack because of having a bad sleep schedule for so long and the only way to fix that is to reel it in and set a firm schedule so that I can get back to normal. This will be for my health, wellbeing and balance.

2. I have to get my food under control. I have breakfast down just like I planned to do last week. So that is good one step in the right direction. Now it is time for lunch and dinner.

I will eat a salad everyday for lunch. A nice big yummy salad. It is simple and easy and perfect. I have already planned it before where that salad could be perfectly in all the nutrient needs for that meal. So there is no need to go out of that comfort zone when I am still struggling.

That leaves dinner and snacks as my daily variety. For dinners I am trying to learn how to cook more. It is probably the hardest area for me as I struggle with the right amount of planning and focus. So it will take some practice but starting this week I am working on that. I found two amazing recipes that will be enough for leftovers for half of the week.

I am really excited about cooking. Last week I made chicken in my crockpot which was really good. Nothing fancy I just used it with some rice & veggies but it was good and easy. I also made my husband some porkchops with cheesy rice that he loved. So yay.

3. I need to kick up the exercise. I have been walking and taking it slow and I am good with that. But on my non walk days I need to get up the motivation and energy to workout still. I need to do strength and push myself more.

So hopefully I can refocus myself and do better next week. It isn't easy but I can do this. Though if I don't start losing I might throw myself out a window lol