Day #12 christmas shopping woes

I feel exhausted right now and it is only 7pm...yuck lol. I ended up waking up late this morning, I didn't sleep all that well. But I turned the alarm off in some type of sleepy haze and didn't fully wake up. 45 mins later I woke up though lol Which is kindof nice that I didn't over sleep by hours.

I was reading a blog post here @ Peanut Butter Fingers about streamlining your morning routine. I took it to heart & was alot quicker getting out of the door today. Yay me. It wasn't as cold as it has been, like no wind so that was great too. My legs were killing me but I walked my 3 miles still.

Food wise I didn't do so horrible, not great, but not horrible. I brought out the crock pot and made some chicken. All yummy and super juicy. Then separated it into 3oz portions and put some in the freezer and some in the fridge. I love it. Makes everything so easy to just grab a perfect portion and throw into whatever I am eating.

I got done a bunch of Christmas shopping or well atleast figured out what I am going for with alot of people lol. I get very stressed out. I know that it is the thought that counts, but I want to give someone a meaningful really great gift that they love. And with some people my mind just goes blank lol. My in laws are probably the worst. They don't really have like a "thing" where you can just buy them something for that. Like if someone loves to read buy them a book, if they love to cook grab them a kitchen things. Easy. But they just don't really have alot of things like that and the few things they do, well the have plenty of money and buy whatever they want for themselves lol.

Last year my MiL told us something to get my FiL and then he ended up buying it himself and then my brother in law and we also bought it for him....

The few things we have gotten my MiL she is nice and acts like he likes it but then the next time we visit it isn't out and isn't being used lol.

I don't want to get someone something just because, I want to get them something they like and want and will use. And they won't tell you what they want. My sister & husband is just as bad. So I have no idea for my in laws, sister or husband right now in any way lol

And the worst is that my in laws and sister always give me amazing gifts!

Ofcourse I am super amazingly easy to shop for. I am not just saying that either. I have tons and tons of "things" that you can not go wrong with. I can't believe anyone would be like hmm I have no idea what to get Aimee lol. Plus I also give people ideas because I am nice :)

My husband should be easy but he isn't. I get alot of ideas that I think he would love but he never does. I don't think I have ever given him a gift he has really liked. And while he isn't mean about it, he is just honest... for real it drives me crazy because I believe in sparing people's feelings. Like one time we were at his parents house and his mom made dinner and he straight up was telling her how it could be better. I thought it was so rude and disrespectful. IDK I mean ofcourse honesty is good too, but there is a way to do it so you are just not being blunt I guess. He just doesn't have that filter. So i usually feel like crap about it. But again he won't tell me what to get...


So anyways our new roommate moved in yesterday afternoon. He is nice, alittle bit hyper for me lol. He said he has ADD & I believe it. I am just not used to it and he talks to me alot. I am so shy. I am not a social person as I have a social anxiety disorder. The thought of talking to people usually gives me panic attacks. So it is difficult for me but he mostly has just been doing his own thing.

The only kindof bad thing is my husband's attention is now shared. I blogged before about how I have so little time with him and then he will stay up all night and sleep all day so even when he isn;t working I feel like I don't see him. So last night he ended up staying up ALL NIGHT long so when I woke up at 6:45am he was still awake.... and then went to bed. I was a bit upset because that meant I would spend like no time with him today and it also meant I would be awake all alone with this new guy in my apartment that I don't know...awkward for me.

And then as soon as he woke up, he took the guy out to introduce him to his boss at work then as soon as they got back they left to go pick up his bed because he couldn't get it yesterday. It is a 2 hour drive to where he used to live. So yeah it is now almost 8pm and I have seen my husband for like 20 mins today total and he goes back to work tomorrow.

Also he leaves and doesn't call or text me at all. I hate that. I am not nutty where I want him to check in every 5 mins but text me when u get there to say you made it, text me when you are driving back home to let me know. It is just considerate. let me know you thought about me atleast for a minute :(

Plus I haven't gone shopping this week and we usually go Monday so meh. I am not really too happy.

Even though I am venting a bunch I am not really letting it get to me too much. I can't control other people just how I react. Just focus on myself and what I am doing.

On a good note I made some candle sales. Yay! Ok it was my sister and sister in law... but still :) They are buying to give as gifts so they have to have some confidence that my stuff is gift worthy.

Me -1 Fear -0

So I already blogged today but after getting home from my walk I had more to say lol.

I had a plan today. I was going to walk down to subway which is a bit from my home, I haven't walked that far yet, and get lunch then walk to rite aid to pick up a few things then go home.

Well I was a nervous wreck going out the door. I like walking early in the morning before the world has woken up so so much more. Like I said before i live right on the main street and traffic is busy and it makes me feel all paniced and I hate it.

So I start walking & I wanted to call my mom but she was at work & my sis was busy driving. So I couldn't call them. The traffic was really bad and I began to have a panic attack. I literally had to stop twice and I was completely freaking out. I was like I can't do this. I won't make it. My legs are already hurting. And swoosh all the negativity began to fill me up- what was I thinking? I can't walk all the way to subway? etc...

I pushed just alittle bit further and decided to just hit riteaid and go home. Once I got into the store I was still a panic mess. I jumped into an aisle that no one was in and I actually cried alittle. So embarrassing. But shopping is a cure all. And as I looked around the store I relaxed and felt 100 times better.

I got some water too and when I checked out I just sat outside the store for a few minutes and contemplated the situation. Should I go home? Or should I continue on to subway? I decided to go on. Yay me! I made it too. I stopped at the dollar store right next to subway first to kindof cooldown then got food and turned around and went home.

It is kindof funny how I can be in such pain feel like I am gonna die but if I keep walking it seems to get easier. Like it doesn't really hurt but my muscles are just like screaming- omg you are crazy! We could be sitting at home on the couch stuffing our face. *cry* *cry* I don't wanna walk.
lol But then they give in and relax.

I ended up being out of the house walking and shopping for 3 hours!! Crazy. I feel so good and pumped right now too. Though I am very tired too lol.

Fear is really hard for me. I am sick, it is a panic disorder and everyday this is something I will have to deal with and face. But I am facing it and making strides towards being better. I am very happy!

Some days will be bad

Exercise:
None :(
Food Tracked:


Today was a bad bad day. Though idk entirely why. It started off just blah and never got any better.

I had a bad dream that I woke up to this morning. Full of insecurities & stress. That ofcourse probably didn't help anything.

Then I got DISTRACTED. A problem I often have. I am trying to learn tarot and part of my goal is to do a daily reading. Which has not been smooth to be honest. And I was trying to set up my tarot blog and got majorly side tracked playing around with that. Next thing I know it is 8pm... where did the day go?

My blog is nice though lol!


http://moonkissedtarot.blogspot.com/

But that is a big problem. I need to wrangle in my easily distracted self. I know I got alot done yesterday but it doesn't mean I can just sit and do nothing all day today. I need to move atleast alittle bit god.

I am gonna do some wii games nothing big. Maybe some boxing or whatever idk.

On top of it all my cabinets/fridge are like empty. We usually go shopping on wednesday but my DH's schedule got changed so he works wednesdays now. and I like ran out of everything lol. I have enough stuff for one smoothie tomorrow for breakfast then one grilled cheese no turkey for lunch but out of salad stuff and idk what to have for dinner.

Lame lol