So I already blogged today but after getting home from my walk I had more to say lol.
I had a plan today. I was going to walk down to subway which is a bit from my home, I haven't walked that far yet, and get lunch then walk to rite aid to pick up a few things then go home.
Well I was a nervous wreck going out the door. I like walking early in the morning before the world has woken up so so much more. Like I said before i live right on the main street and traffic is busy and it makes me feel all paniced and I hate it.
So I start walking & I wanted to call my mom but she was at work & my sis was busy driving. So I couldn't call them. The traffic was really bad and I began to have a panic attack. I literally had to stop twice and I was completely freaking out. I was like I can't do this. I won't make it. My legs are already hurting. And swoosh all the negativity began to fill me up- what was I thinking? I can't walk all the way to subway? etc...
I pushed just alittle bit further and decided to just hit riteaid and go home. Once I got into the store I was still a panic mess. I jumped into an aisle that no one was in and I actually cried alittle. So embarrassing. But shopping is a cure all. And as I looked around the store I relaxed and felt 100 times better.
I got some water too and when I checked out I just sat outside the store for a few minutes and contemplated the situation. Should I go home? Or should I continue on to subway? I decided to go on. Yay me! I made it too. I stopped at the dollar store right next to subway first to kindof cooldown then got food and turned around and went home.
It is kindof funny how I can be in such pain feel like I am gonna die but if I keep walking it seems to get easier. Like it doesn't really hurt but my muscles are just like screaming- omg you are crazy! We could be sitting at home on the couch stuffing our face. *cry* *cry* I don't wanna walk.
lol But then they give in and relax.
I ended up being out of the house walking and shopping for 3 hours!! Crazy. I feel so good and pumped right now too. Though I am very tired too lol.
Fear is really hard for me. I am sick, it is a panic disorder and everyday this is something I will have to deal with and face. But I am facing it and making strides towards being better. I am very happy!
I had a plan today. I was going to walk down to subway which is a bit from my home, I haven't walked that far yet, and get lunch then walk to rite aid to pick up a few things then go home.
Well I was a nervous wreck going out the door. I like walking early in the morning before the world has woken up so so much more. Like I said before i live right on the main street and traffic is busy and it makes me feel all paniced and I hate it.
So I start walking & I wanted to call my mom but she was at work & my sis was busy driving. So I couldn't call them. The traffic was really bad and I began to have a panic attack. I literally had to stop twice and I was completely freaking out. I was like I can't do this. I won't make it. My legs are already hurting. And swoosh all the negativity began to fill me up- what was I thinking? I can't walk all the way to subway? etc...
I pushed just alittle bit further and decided to just hit riteaid and go home. Once I got into the store I was still a panic mess. I jumped into an aisle that no one was in and I actually cried alittle. So embarrassing. But shopping is a cure all. And as I looked around the store I relaxed and felt 100 times better.
I got some water too and when I checked out I just sat outside the store for a few minutes and contemplated the situation. Should I go home? Or should I continue on to subway? I decided to go on. Yay me! I made it too. I stopped at the dollar store right next to subway first to kindof cooldown then got food and turned around and went home.
It is kindof funny how I can be in such pain feel like I am gonna die but if I keep walking it seems to get easier. Like it doesn't really hurt but my muscles are just like screaming- omg you are crazy! We could be sitting at home on the couch stuffing our face. *cry* *cry* I don't wanna walk.
lol But then they give in and relax.
I ended up being out of the house walking and shopping for 3 hours!! Crazy. I feel so good and pumped right now too. Though I am very tired too lol.
Fear is really hard for me. I am sick, it is a panic disorder and everyday this is something I will have to deal with and face. But I am facing it and making strides towards being better. I am very happy!
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