One day I am up. The sun is shining, the sky is blue. I raise my hands high into the air and smile. I am full of positive motivated energy. I have hope & self love. Everything is right or will be & nothing can stand in my way.
The next day the clouds roll in. The sky is now dark and grey. It rains and not happy fun rain but icky cold wet rain. All my energy is spent. I am tired and lazy and all I want to do is curl up in bed, cry alittle and drown out all the noise of the world.
I am up & down and back and forth every week it seems. Like alittle rubber ball bouncing all over the room. I need control & focus. And nothing will every change until I take it.
The biggest thing I keep talking about almost everday, and most definitely every time I stumble is the issue of sleep. Right now it is my biggest obstacle. It is hard and that is a lame excuse. I realize that I have come into the habit of not having a proper schedule. My body has come to expect sleeping in and staying up until I can't keep my eyes open and passing out. And creating change in that will not happen overnight (lol) it will take alot of time to create a real schedule.
I know my issue and that is a start. But just stating that over and over doesn't actually change anything. I need to create an actual plan to fix it and then take the actions towards that goal.
I will be going to bed at midnight everynight- wed-sat and getting up at 8am. That is 8 hours of sleep. Sun-Tues I will go to bed at 11pm (that is the earliest I can get to bed those days) and be getting up at 5:30-6am. Perhaps I can take a small nap on those days to make up for it?
Hopefully this is one start to changing the rollercoaster behavior. I completely fell apart Tues & Wed. Because I stayed up late every night but still woke up early sun/mon to walk. and I got a ton of stuff done on sunday. So by the time tuesday hit I was purely and completely exhausted. I couldn't move much less get anything done. And wed shared the same tired no energy feeling and it let me skip out on my routine- I didn't eat right, I didn't workout. I threw all my plans out the window. And I can't let that happen. It is a slippery slope until i am back to stuffing my face and not getting off the couch.
It is all hard. But I can do it. I need to remind myself that I have the control. It is my life. My choices.
Today I am gonna go for a walk and do alittle shopping and stop for lunch at subway. I am absolutely nervous as hell. My stomach is a wreck. But I am still gonna go and have fun. Then I get to come home and clean my house that i let fall apart tues/wed while I was in such a funk. bleh lol
The next day the clouds roll in. The sky is now dark and grey. It rains and not happy fun rain but icky cold wet rain. All my energy is spent. I am tired and lazy and all I want to do is curl up in bed, cry alittle and drown out all the noise of the world.
I am up & down and back and forth every week it seems. Like alittle rubber ball bouncing all over the room. I need control & focus. And nothing will every change until I take it.
The biggest thing I keep talking about almost everday, and most definitely every time I stumble is the issue of sleep. Right now it is my biggest obstacle. It is hard and that is a lame excuse. I realize that I have come into the habit of not having a proper schedule. My body has come to expect sleeping in and staying up until I can't keep my eyes open and passing out. And creating change in that will not happen overnight (lol) it will take alot of time to create a real schedule.
I know my issue and that is a start. But just stating that over and over doesn't actually change anything. I need to create an actual plan to fix it and then take the actions towards that goal.
I will be going to bed at midnight everynight- wed-sat and getting up at 8am. That is 8 hours of sleep. Sun-Tues I will go to bed at 11pm (that is the earliest I can get to bed those days) and be getting up at 5:30-6am. Perhaps I can take a small nap on those days to make up for it?
Hopefully this is one start to changing the rollercoaster behavior. I completely fell apart Tues & Wed. Because I stayed up late every night but still woke up early sun/mon to walk. and I got a ton of stuff done on sunday. So by the time tuesday hit I was purely and completely exhausted. I couldn't move much less get anything done. And wed shared the same tired no energy feeling and it let me skip out on my routine- I didn't eat right, I didn't workout. I threw all my plans out the window. And I can't let that happen. It is a slippery slope until i am back to stuffing my face and not getting off the couch.
It is all hard. But I can do it. I need to remind myself that I have the control. It is my life. My choices.
Today I am gonna go for a walk and do alittle shopping and stop for lunch at subway. I am absolutely nervous as hell. My stomach is a wreck. But I am still gonna go and have fun. Then I get to come home and clean my house that i let fall apart tues/wed while I was in such a funk. bleh lol
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