I say it so often it might as well be my catchphrase. Sigh, it is really not the right moment, life is kindof crazy, I'm busy, I'm tired, I'm depressed, etc... so tomorrow I will do it instead.
But that tomorrow never seems to come does it?
Lately getting back on track has been in my mind alot. I make some plans or say I will stop doing X and start doing Y but things do not fit in perfectly or I feel bleh and blow it off. Swear to myself that I will start tomorrow. It never happens though, because the next day isn't perfect either and I don't feel like it and say once again tomorrow it will happen.
Yet I do honestly know that there will never be some perfect time to start, my stars are not going to align and make it some smooth easy transition. I'm never going to feel good until I start doing things to make myself feel good.
It is hard. It feels so difficult to get traction. I feel like I am standing at the base of a mountain looking up and feeling so intimidated and overwhelmed and even though I want the reward waiting at the top a huge part of me is like ya know it is awfully comfy and feels safe down here why bother?
It just sucks.
I remember the quote - A year from now you will be glad you started today.
How right that is. I promised myself, swore up and down that by 30 I would have it right. I would be healthy and skinny and happy and have a grip on life. And here it is July, with the days/weeks whizzing by and I turn 30 this September. There is no time left to hit my goal.
I just want to cry and mourn for all the time wasted and lost. I want so bad to be able to go back and do it right and not keep putting it off. But I can't go back and mourning for what I lost doesn't help other then make me feel like crap.
I have to finally face tomorrow. Just do it.
It will be hard. I will probably have tear filled moments and times of pain and not wanting to do it and have to fight myself to do it. But I want so badly to be sitting in July 2013 and looking back and saying yes I said I would and I did it. I really did it.
Here I am not in any way shape or form ready but knowing I have to do it and that I want to do it deep down. I will do it. I am stronger then I think I am. I am in control of my path and it is time to climb that mountain.
But that tomorrow never seems to come does it?
Lately getting back on track has been in my mind alot. I make some plans or say I will stop doing X and start doing Y but things do not fit in perfectly or I feel bleh and blow it off. Swear to myself that I will start tomorrow. It never happens though, because the next day isn't perfect either and I don't feel like it and say once again tomorrow it will happen.
Yet I do honestly know that there will never be some perfect time to start, my stars are not going to align and make it some smooth easy transition. I'm never going to feel good until I start doing things to make myself feel good.
It is hard. It feels so difficult to get traction. I feel like I am standing at the base of a mountain looking up and feeling so intimidated and overwhelmed and even though I want the reward waiting at the top a huge part of me is like ya know it is awfully comfy and feels safe down here why bother?
It just sucks.
I remember the quote - A year from now you will be glad you started today.
How right that is. I promised myself, swore up and down that by 30 I would have it right. I would be healthy and skinny and happy and have a grip on life. And here it is July, with the days/weeks whizzing by and I turn 30 this September. There is no time left to hit my goal.
I just want to cry and mourn for all the time wasted and lost. I want so bad to be able to go back and do it right and not keep putting it off. But I can't go back and mourning for what I lost doesn't help other then make me feel like crap.
I have to finally face tomorrow. Just do it.
It will be hard. I will probably have tear filled moments and times of pain and not wanting to do it and have to fight myself to do it. But I want so badly to be sitting in July 2013 and looking back and saying yes I said I would and I did it. I really did it.
Here I am not in any way shape or form ready but knowing I have to do it and that I want to do it deep down. I will do it. I am stronger then I think I am. I am in control of my path and it is time to climb that mountain.
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