So I had an epiphany (& I can't believe I actually knew how to spell that lol). Actually I had several...
1. Just because the afternoon will likely be warm and/or fairly nice out does not mean it will be at 6am lol Infact it is going to be very chilly & for some reason where I live it seems to always be wet and/or rainy as well.
2. I should always bring tissues when I go out walking. Because that chilly wind smacks me right in the face and next thing I know my eyes are watering and my nose is running like mad. It just is not a pretty feeling!
Ok now in all seriousness. Last night I was taking a shower & praying. Yes I like to pray in the shower. I think the water is just very symbolic & relaxing plus it is kindof like the water is cleansing emotionally as well as physically.
Anyways I was praying and realized a whole mess of things. Thank you Goddess! The entire switch to getting on track started with a blog post- And So She Screams- Part One. How I turn away from my spirituality and everything else at my darkest moments. I wall myself in and hope it will just go away when it won't by itself. I have to be an active participant in my life. I don't have control of everything. Bad things will happen but I can choose the path I take after them. I stumble on my path and end up falling down a long hill. I can't just sit there hoping someone will come along and pick me up and set me back where I was before. I have to get up. I have to dust myself off. I have to decide if it is worth it to climb back up the hill, go farther down, go around, whatever.
Which brings me to the fact that I have no idea where to go from here. And I think it is because I don't know me. I haven't just been hiding from the world but from myself as well. I have no idea what is best for me right now. It reminds me of that quote that says you can't love someone else until you truly love yourself.
I need to take care of myself. I need to find myself. I need to get healthy inside and out. And learn to love myself. Working out, exercising, getting out of the house and then seeing a therapist.
Today I took my walk - 2 miles. And it was amazing. It is finally like I hit that wall and pushed through it. It wasn't easy but it also wasn't hard. It felt good. I walk out one mile & then turn around and walk back for a mile. Around the 1 mile mark I started feeling blah and like omg am I there yet? lol. But as soon as I turned around it was a breeze. I wasn't feeling like I would die. I made it home and didn't want to collapse on the floor. The first day I started walking when I got home I just fell to the floor and cried in pain. What a difference!
I am getting better. Changes are happening. And I love it.
A big deal tonight is that I am going to walk 3.22 miles. I decided I would treat myself and go to the movie theater. It isn't too far from my house but the farthest I have walked straight out yet. 1.61 miles. It is a small place just two theaters lol so I didn't have many movie options but that footloose looks interesting. I loved the first one. The only bad thing is that it will mean I am walking home at 9pm. But as I just have to walk straight down main street where there is lots of traffic and lights I am sure it will be ok.
1. Just because the afternoon will likely be warm and/or fairly nice out does not mean it will be at 6am lol Infact it is going to be very chilly & for some reason where I live it seems to always be wet and/or rainy as well.
2. I should always bring tissues when I go out walking. Because that chilly wind smacks me right in the face and next thing I know my eyes are watering and my nose is running like mad. It just is not a pretty feeling!
Ok now in all seriousness. Last night I was taking a shower & praying. Yes I like to pray in the shower. I think the water is just very symbolic & relaxing plus it is kindof like the water is cleansing emotionally as well as physically.
Anyways I was praying and realized a whole mess of things. Thank you Goddess! The entire switch to getting on track started with a blog post- And So She Screams- Part One. How I turn away from my spirituality and everything else at my darkest moments. I wall myself in and hope it will just go away when it won't by itself. I have to be an active participant in my life. I don't have control of everything. Bad things will happen but I can choose the path I take after them. I stumble on my path and end up falling down a long hill. I can't just sit there hoping someone will come along and pick me up and set me back where I was before. I have to get up. I have to dust myself off. I have to decide if it is worth it to climb back up the hill, go farther down, go around, whatever.
Which brings me to the fact that I have no idea where to go from here. And I think it is because I don't know me. I haven't just been hiding from the world but from myself as well. I have no idea what is best for me right now. It reminds me of that quote that says you can't love someone else until you truly love yourself.
I need to take care of myself. I need to find myself. I need to get healthy inside and out. And learn to love myself. Working out, exercising, getting out of the house and then seeing a therapist.
Today I took my walk - 2 miles. And it was amazing. It is finally like I hit that wall and pushed through it. It wasn't easy but it also wasn't hard. It felt good. I walk out one mile & then turn around and walk back for a mile. Around the 1 mile mark I started feeling blah and like omg am I there yet? lol. But as soon as I turned around it was a breeze. I wasn't feeling like I would die. I made it home and didn't want to collapse on the floor. The first day I started walking when I got home I just fell to the floor and cried in pain. What a difference!
I am getting better. Changes are happening. And I love it.
A big deal tonight is that I am going to walk 3.22 miles. I decided I would treat myself and go to the movie theater. It isn't too far from my house but the farthest I have walked straight out yet. 1.61 miles. It is a small place just two theaters lol so I didn't have many movie options but that footloose looks interesting. I loved the first one. The only bad thing is that it will mean I am walking home at 9pm. But as I just have to walk straight down main street where there is lots of traffic and lights I am sure it will be ok.
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